i want to know...

I want to know how the waves will hold me. What will be the rise of today; the fall of tonight?

I want to know where God is when my stomach drops as the bottom falls out of the roller coaster.

I want to know where the gentle hands of compassion are. I want to know why sometimes they feel like a vise around my neck.

I want to know how I got to this place and where I will go next.

I want to know if God really listens to prayer or are my words lost in the waves of desire, swirling until I can feel no more.

I want to know - do you (G0d) love me?

"I want to know" was created this week while facilitating others in a deepening spirituality exercise... hmmm. who's facilitating here?

The following haiku was the next step in the exercise.

what will hold me up
when the deep bottom falls out,
when God's hand fails me?

Disposable Child?

"Hey have you seen the disposable child With sunken cheeks and belly distended Hey have you seen the disposable child Exempted from grace and left undefended Born into a world that's so defiled Well now don't shed a tear he's just a disposable child.

Hey have you heard the disposable child One who's heart should be fillin' with wonder Hey have you heard the disposable child Who spent his youth dodging bullets and thunder Don't waste your time with this soul who's never smiled Now don't shed a tear he's just a disposable child

Hey do you know the disposable child Born into suffering, forced into hiding Hey do you know the disposable child It seems your agenda and his are colliding Asking only for love but feeling so reviled Now don't shed a tear, he's just a disposable child

To whom can you turn my disposable child When heaven and earth have left you forsaken To whom can you turn my disposable child When the winds of neglect leave you tattered and shaken Where the refuse of humanity is piled They don't shed a tear if you're just a disposable child"

--Peter Himmelman