Friday, December 11, 2009

i want to know...

I want to know how the waves will hold me. What will be the rise of today; the fall of tonight?

I want to know where God is when my stomach drops as the bottom falls out of the roller coaster.

I want to know where the gentle hands of compassion are. I want to know why sometimes they feel like a vise around my neck.

I want to know how I got to this place and where I will go next.

I want to know if God really listens to prayer or are my words lost in the waves of desire, swirling until I can feel no more.

I want to know - do you (G0d) love me?

"I want to know" was created this week while facilitating others in a deepening spirituality exercise... hmmm. who's facilitating here?

The following haiku was the next step in the exercise.

what will hold me up
when the deep bottom falls out,
when God's hand fails me?


Sue said...

Ah, this brought tears to my eyes.

lucy said...

thanks for reading, suzie q. i read it out loud to my spiritual director yesterday and barely made it through... geez where does all of this emotion come from?!?!??!

Kel said...

if a facilitator is not doing the deep work herself, then the class/workshop is not worth doing :)

your haiku gave me a strong visual image and sensation of 'falling' - but rather than flailing madly in black space, it was black velvet, so more a soft supported slide . . .


Beautiful poem and haiku! I think the answer to "who's facilitating?" is not really a question is it:)


Tess said...

It is indeed beautiful. I often have to ask this "who's facilitating here?" question when I lead groups.

lucy said...

kel - if that is the case, then my workshops are well worthwhile!!

your words of falling remind me very much of my experience of skydiving "a soft supported slide." lovely. i'll have to ponder that in this context some more.

SS - it's not a question and it is indeed one of the biggest questions of time (at least for me).

tess - i love those moments when i know i'm not the one in charge - well... the moments when things come together so beautifully, for sure!

Laura Hegfield said...

such difficult questions in your poem/prayer...ones that beset most of us at times...these I find are often opportunities for deeper spiritual growth and further development of faith...if I didn't wonder/wander sometimes, there would be no way or reason to turn back toward the Divine and discover Her Presence again and again.

lovely post,