Sunday, January 20, 2008

nine minutes of resolve

I resolve to sit here for nine minutes and allow whatever wants to come to the page come. I resolve that I will not be disappointed in what I have written and that it will be my choice to decide whether or not I share these nine minutes with anyone else.

I resolve that I really have no idea what nine minutes of writing looks like although I spend hours each day sitting, pondering, writing words into my journal. The timed aspect is something both confining and freeing. What will my words say? When will I start or shall I just ramble along for nine minutes without direction or discourse…that is much how I spent the first 40 plus years of my life. Wondering along. Allowing others to decide what was appropriate or inappropriate. Allowing them to set the time limit. This long to be a child. Now it’s time to grow up. Go to school. College. Get married. Have a career. Start a family. Where was I in the process? Waiting for the time to pass. Hoping that tomorrow would be better with the next achievement, the next goal met, the next decade.

Well, guess what? No more. I may not have more decades. I may not even have more hours. I only have moments and I resolve to use those moments as best I can. If that means sitting and writing for nine minutes so I can discover what I am resolved to then so be it. Cool, huh? I love the moment-to-moment thing and it scares the hell out of me. What if the string of moments does not amount to anything? What if no one finds my words interesting? What if…worse yet…no one finds me interesting? What if I find myself boring? If I find that my words have no soul or meaning. That my life has been a string of meaningless nine minutes…nine years or heaven forbid nine decades.

I resolve to change today. I resolve to listen to my heart. To follow my words. To use my voice. To be the artist that I am and that scares the hell out of me, for no one ever taught me how to be an artist like they taught me to tell time or add numbers or cook a meal. To be an artist, I must learn to play and listen and discern what wants to be sprung forth from the depths of my soul. Sometimes it is childish and other times it is mature beyond my wildest imagination.

I resolve to listen. Not only to myself, but also to others in a new way. Not letting them command me in what to do or say or write, but listening so I can really hear what they are asking for. So I can hear what I really am asking of myself. Just nine minutes!

from Cafe Writing: Option Six: Timed Writing

Take nine minutes (you have to use all nine, you can’t go over), and interpret the topic Resolution.

Any format (fiction, essay, verse) is acceptable; and it’s expected that your writing will be raw, so don’t stress about editing.



i've done a lot of relating to your post - a good one - not just because I relate to it but because resolving and taking one's self into one's own hands is a grand venture.

I'm assuming that the nine minutes was this post - that's a fantastic nine minutes project!

Sue said...

This has a nice shape to it, coming as it does out of those moment-by-moments strung together. I think living in the moment is related to synchronicity. I totally understand your fear of living in the moment. It's one we all share and it's why we run away into living on the surface or living in the future or the past. But there's nothing there for us. The moment is all we have been given.

I love the moment-to-moment thing and it scares the hell out of me as well. But the other option scares the hell out of me even more :)

AmbiguityLotus said...

"I only have moments and I resolve to use those moments as best I can."

Beautifully said! I love that line best for it resonates with me. Thank you so much for resolving to share this post with us. I'm happy to have resolved the opportunity to read this! And welcome to Cafe Writing if I haven't mentioned it already. I look forward to reading more from you. :)

Tess said...

This is beautiful, and strong. It reminds me of Jen Lemen's poster "Today is a new day!"

Abbey of the Arts said...

great post and prompt, I love the honesty of it, living into this next moment in time and discovering what it has to offer.

storyteller said...

If you listen closely Lucy, you'll heart my heartiest applause for your last 6 posts. I'm inspired by your run of creativity as always ... and feel just a bit guilty that I'm taking a 2 week break from mine to watch tennis ... though not guilty enough to turn off the TV. I only get 8 weeks of high quality tennis each year (plus a bit more during the Olympics) so I'm not going to miss any of these exciting matches because I know once next week rolls around, I can let myself focus on my own creative muse again. I just wanted to check in briefly this morning and I'm so happy I did.
Hugs and blessings,

Sue said...

Watching tennis refuels the creative well, dontcha know, storyteller ;) Especially in the midst of winter in the middle of the night.

(Are you watching the Australian Open? That is coming from my hometown, Melbourne. It's been very exciting this year, hasn't it?

storyteller said...

Yes Sue ... the Australian Open has had some exciting matches ... especially the day there were five 5-set men's matches back to back ending with Hewitt's early morning victory over Baghdatis. Whew! What a marathon. I don't know what happened to Serena today ... can't believe she lost to Jankovic a few minutes ago. If I lived in Melbourne I'd be watching in person!

Lucy -- I stopped by to let you know I left an award for you at Sacred Ruminations. I do appreciate both your blogs so much!
Hugs and blessings,

lucy said...

thanks everyone for the support of my nine minutes of resolve...i hope the resolve will last longer than the writing prompt :-)

also, storyteller and sue i appreciate the background "color" of tennis. although i am not a follower it is fun to listen to those who have that passion!

thank you for the wonderful award, storyteller!!

hugs to all!